Assistant's Desk | Editorials | Temples | Main Page | Miss Info | ISA News | Poetry | DeKartan's Quips | Dekartan's Quips | Dear Miss Ivana Cawk
It has been said to me that I often seem... cranky.
Apparently to a select few readers that follow me with some regularity, I seem as if I'm harsh and angry when I write for the paper. I suppose that I deserve that in some circumstances; I haven't exactly been the most kind to some of the letters I received when my page was little more than an advice column. I make it no secret that I have little, if any, tolerance for those of the less intelligent sorts.
And let's not forget just how bad some of these goddess-forsaken letters were, shall we? Fairies in small form having sex with centaurs? Dwarves using the paper to clean themselves with, in very disgusting fashion? And let's not discount all the women who apparently watch me at my desk!
(For amusement's sake, after I wrote that previous statement, I stripped down naked and remained that way for the rest of this article. Might as well provide some entertainment, should I not?)
But I put some serious thought into the whole comment about being cranky, negative, and nasty. There are some that would agree that I am not the kindest cat around, and it's probably true. Hell put me next to another feline, and if he or she is not one of my very short list of felines I tolerate, and I will be very much a bitter cat. That being said, however, how often does one see another feline staying around me?
Many who read don't notice that I have a friendly side and a professional side. My professional side is not cute and cuddly, not loving and affectionate. My professional side is blunt, to the point, and impatient. My dedication in the paper is towards bringing you readers some truth and honesty. Some of the reporters and writers will tell you that I'm honestly a bit harsh, a bit cruel, and very impatient as an Assistant Editor... but patience is never one of my strong points, and even less so when there's a task to be done.
So, yes, maybe I am a bit cranky when I'm in a professional mood, but it is ultimately for a good cause. I have had my shaky moments, and do not deny them, but ultimately, my loyalty to the paper is pretty near absolute. I do enjoy what I do-- when I'm not overstressed by it. It happens sometimes, but we all have our moments when we're not perfect.
But seriously... the whole lot of you can stop with the rumors that I slept with Chastity. Really, it didn't happen. Go ahead, ask her.
And while we're at it, don't judge me solely by the way I write. I am much kinder in person when I can see my audience, when I am surrounded by a more friendly atmosphere. The office is nice, well-furnished, but a bit cold and lacking in proper scenery.
(I already know some of you contest that I am oft surrounded by beautiful women that work here, but they're never around when I am, so that is not applicable).
But realize that the subtlety of any language is lost when it is written on parchment like this. Not even the most skilled storytelling bards can get the subtle nuances of voice across when one is limited to the ink and the paper. Voice is one of the most important aspects of communication. Even I who do not have a proper, full voice can still convey the most vast array of emotions and intentions with a little intonation, slipping past the confines of my ever-present rasp to get a point across.
I guess that ultimately, what I'm trying to say is that one should not judge a book by its cover, and one should not judge a cat by its scratches.
(I sincerely hope -someone- got that play on words.)
*****NOTE FROM THE EDITOR*****
Okay Okay! Enough with this heist. I am going to divulge all the painstaking details of my torrid affair with One Assistant Editor. It was jaw-dropping, screaming of passion, fluttering in my chest, weak-wobbly knees; I can't get it out of my mind, wanting to touch myself each and every moment of the day, GOOD. The end. Chastity.
Your Assistant Editor,
