And one last time...
Rebecca
Ruby lips and emerald eyes and coal black hair so fine;
She sounds less like a woman - and more like a sodding mine!
Not that she had great depths, there were puddles that were more deep;
But she must have done something right - cos she could give her wife a keep!
Chorus
Oh Rebecca you really were loathsome;
Rebecca you really were not nice.
You preferred time with the girls, for all your social whirls;
And you only let the blokes shag you twice!
Women were your first love. Well that or wine or nags;
You'd ride your mounts hard and fast - and yes, I'm punning shags!
Not just any woman mind. You had strict rules to be fair;
The criteria of a pulse and less fabulous hair!
Chorus
One night though you found your match. You fell in love so true;
Though drunk, you couldnt let her go and this women you did pursue;
Your eyes did meet, you both did smile, was this love that would go far?
Oh course not for it was her reflection on the bar!
Chorus
With an accent so fruity, we could hardly understand a thing;
"Bally, Crikey, Poppycock" and you always drawled "darh-ling"
Your slang was indescribable. Middle class tosh from another land;
And the time you "needed a cavalry screw" you nearly got yourself banned!*
Chorus
You were fast with a blade I'll give you that;
And no armour did you wear.
But then again who made breastplates that could get all of your tits under there!
No scrapping in the arena. No fighting with the mob;
A fight you'd like." With the right type. ". God you really were a snob!
Chorus
You were such a fan of marriage and the wedding bed;
Just not yours in both cases - at least that's what India said!
Other men's wife you're in like Flynn, grinding away so nifty.
Just a shame, you lazy cow, you couldn't have grinded out your fifty! **
Chorus
*drops mike*
* True story too. Of course a "cavalry screw" is army slang for a horse. Pity the poor ops who had to read my stuff!
** I mean levels of course. Her stat numbers would have looked aces!